Dead Like Me

I didn’t mean to end up dead. I didn’t mean to end up killing for that matter. No one knows that we were run off the road; no one knows that we are dead. Or in Kelly’s case dying.

Goddamn, I shouldn’t have overcorrected; if I hadn’t we would have missed that ditch. I wouldn’t have flipped the car. I wouldn’t have to watch as Kelly was flung through the windshield and onto the cooling desert sands. I wouldn’t have to watch her try to get up, only to have her legs break, snapping out from under her, a toddler pushed over by chopping off its ankles. I wouldn’t have to watch Josh, through the rearview, sitting next to his shattered window, choking on his own life. The last thing I heard, before the darkness, before the cold, was Josh, sputtering sloppily and Kelly half-moaning, half-crying as she kept trying to walk. The screaming is what bothered me the most, before the nothing.

This silence is deafening, a constant rush of, I guess, a lack of sound that fills my head. Or whatever. Its hard to explain to someone who is not dead, but this feeling of nothing, this feeling of cold…this must be death.
No angels.
No devils.
No paradise.
No hell.
Nothing.


z